A Flower Called Rin
by tiredofsextiredoftext
Summary: Since graduating high school, Rin has came into himself more than he ever has. After a traumatizing night, Rin began to embark on a new lifestyle, and a new identity. He needs his friends now more than ever. (Trigger warnings: Rape, drugs) (Yaoi/Smut/Gender bending)
1. Chapter 1

_Hello! It's me again. I'm back at it with a new story. I've been gone for a while, but I figured I'd partake in the Free! hype. This is the first installment of a new multi-chapter fic based around Rin in his days after graduation. Thank you for reading! Expect more for this story._

I take a drag off of my cigarette, peering over my shoulder at myself in the mirror. I'm watching my form, they way my dress hangs off of my body. Ever since graduating high school, I've lost a bit of muscle mass, and I can't say I'm too upset about it. I've gained a curvier figure, and my skin has gotten a lot softer, and paler. A lot of people said I looked like a girl before, but imagine if they could see me now. With that thought, I reach into my side-table drawer for a couple of small pills. Xanax always does it. I feel a warm bubbly sensation rise up in my chest, reaching my head, and exiting through my mouth in small hums and shallow breaths.

I like my life now, I can't say I'm completely fond of myself, but goddamn am I ever beautiful. I have the softest skin, the most beautiful clothing, flawless makeup, pills. It's not the life I intended, but it's my life.

Growing up, I've always been this way. Always sneaking my sisters clothing, reaching, grasping for something to fill the never-ending hole in my gut. Sure, I loved swimming, but what I was really in love with was being a female, or at least, something outside of "male". I've done my research, hell, it's 2015, and I've fully embraced myself as genderqueer. I love the fluidity I posses, the ability to fall into any gender category. But these days, I'm practically living as a woman. It's not like I leave my place too often or anything, so I have all the time in the world to feel beautiful in my own tiny piece of the earth that is my apartment. I've become rather lonely since moving to America on my own, but this is the only place I have the option to be openly myself.

Rin Matsuoka; ex-swim champ, girlie-boy, and infamous cry-baby. This is who I am, who I've become over the past couple years. I was granted a scholarship for swimming in the U.S upon graduating high school, I kept up with my dream for a few months, but the girl inside of me was beginning to drag me down.

The night. It changed everything, and one could say it has shaped me into who I am in this moment. I went out to my first American club with my childhood friend, Sosuke. We had the intention of getting belligerently drunk, and enjoying our freedom as young and new adults in the U.S. Upon arriving to the club, something seemed a bit off. Sosuke and I had drank a bit before we showed up, so I just blamed the feeling on the nervousness that came with alcohol. My hands and body were practically vibrating as soon as I walked into the place, and the first thing I notice, were men. Everywhere.

"Sosuke, are we at the wrong place?" I asked my friend, as hushed as I could in a place playing loud music. He just shook his head, and smirked at me.

"How are you feeling, Rin?" He said, a bit too close to my ear. I shivered, realizing in that moment, that I was feeling rather sensitive to my surroundings. My chest was up against my breast bone, and every hair on my neck was dancing, but at the same time, completely still. I honestly just wanted to move, any part of my body would work. My fingers were fidgeting at my sides, my hands twitching faster and more noticeably with each step I made into the crowd of people. So many people, so many men. I looked to Sosuke, his eyes on me, piercing through my skin. It hurt. I could literally feel his gaze on me.

"Stop it," I choked out. He chuckled to himself again.

"Rin, over here," He beckoned me closer to a group of people up against a wall. Upon reaching them, I had started to heat up even more. What the hell was going on?

"He's cute," "Yea, whats he on man? Look at his eyes," "He almost looks like a girl, he's gay right?" All of these people were talking to Sosuke. They were talking about me, right? I had never been more confused and out of it in my entire life. Sousuke didn't bother to answer any questions, instead, he put his arm around my waist. We had always been close, but he'd never laid his hands on me the way he was then. "You guys got money?" he questioned the surrounding men. Some nodded, others snickered, reaching their hands into their pockets.

This is the part where everything goes black, or at least, I wish it did. The drugs did nothing but amplify what was going on. I don't know if Sosuke had the intention of trying to knock me out, but it did quite the opposite. The worst part was how my body responded to everything. In my mind, I was drowning, but on the outside, I was willfully swimming.

It began in a dark room, Sosuke lead me upstairs, sitting me down on a sofa behind closed curtains. The room was about the size of the dorm Sousuke and I had shared during our last year of high school. One by one, about five men began to enter the room, stopping at the entrance where Sosuke was standing so they could hand him bills. Part of me knew what was about to happen, and the other part was sickened by Sosuke. If I could move, I would have, but my body was being weighed down with sensation and warmth.

When they were all in the room, Sosuke pushed past the other ones, and stood up in front of me. He had seemed much taller in that moment, his hair and eyes shone a darker black than they ever had in the past.

I was afraid.

Sosuke leaned over me, his hand moved its way from the top of my head, resting on my cheek. I couldn't comprehend that his hand was touching my face, and at the same time, I was _too_ aware of its place on my face. Before I could make a connection about what was happening in that moment, Sousuke's hand move to my throat, clasping around. God, his hands were so big. Fucking huge. He moved me down, pushing me on my back, hand still gripped around my neck, and then he kissed me. Hard. His mouth was warm on mine, and I could hear the "oohs" and "ahhs" of the other men in the room. I then started to feel my hips rolling up, but I didn't want any of it, at least, my brain didn't. Sosuke then began unbuckling his jeans, I heard the clunking of his belt buckle hit the floor, and the zip of his pants. I was then suddenly jerked up by the neck, and I could see what was in front of me. Sousuke's penis was pointed at me, one of his hands gripping the base, while his other hand made it's way to the back of my head, gripping my hair in chunks. My eyes someone made their way around the room, and I could see the other men in the room had their dicks out, too. As the realization of my surroundings hit me, Sosuke jammed his cock up against my mouth, and when it wouldn't go in, he began hitting me in the face with it. I let my mouth hang open, I felt as if I had no control over my muscles. I felt his cock immediately hit the back of my throat, I gagged, but he kept going, face fucking me. I began to tear up, and this in no way stopped what was going on.

"What an adorable face he's making," The others started to chime in. "He's crying, I love it when they cry," "What a cute face,"

"C'mon, my turn,"

This is when I started to feel hands all over me. Everywhere, clawing, jerking, hitting hands all on my body. My entire body began to throb. _How do I fucking get out of this, where am I, this shouldn't feel good._ A plethora of thoughts racing through my head, when I began to feel my pants being removed. I was down to my underwear when I felt a hand over my groin. I looked down, it was Sousuke's. His cock still in my mouth, he had begun to fondle with my cock.

"You're hard Rin-chan. You're pathetic,"

I tried to speak, nothing came out. Only helpless grunts as Sosuke pulled his cock out of my mouth. I had only but a moment to breathe as an unfamiliar member was shoved into my mouth. He was a bit smaller than Sosuke, but I was still gagging. I let my eyes wander to where Sosuke was headed, he was sinking lower and lower down the plains of my body. I felt hands that I didn't recognize pinching and tugging on my nipples, while another pair of hands held my ankles in place. I was being pinned sideways on the unfamiliar sofa while the man in front of me slid his cock in and out of my mouth.

"Suck harder, use your tongue,"

He then slid out of my face, and I did as I was demanded. I used my tongue to make circles on the head of his penis, lapping up pre-come. I licked up and down the length, moving to his testicles, sucking on them. My body was in full charge of me at this point. I had no will, no way to escape, so my body had begun to go with the motions. The man was slapping my face as I was using my mouth on him. While this was going on, I felt a sensation on my own genitals. I took a quick peak and saw Sousuke, staring back up at me, pumping my cock. I whimpered.

"You love it faggot. I know you love this. You're a filthy homo, Rin-chan," Sosuke purred at me. More tears fell down my face.

He let go, while another hand took his place on my shaft. My body was singing. Everything felt good, but I had no idea why or how. I couldn't hardly remember how I had gotten up to the small dark room. I couldn't think too much about it at that point because I was then flipped on my stomach. I remember feeling a sense of relief, because I was no longer performing fellatio on anyone. But only for a moment was that feeling present, because that's when I felt another sensation, in another area. I was hoisted up on my knees, my head was promptly pushed down, causing me to arch my back, my ass in the air. I was humiliated, everyone could see everyone. One of Sousuke's friends laid underneath my hips and put my cock into his mouth. I shivered, my body was loving it, but at the same time, I felt as if I were going to vomit at any moment.

Sosuke begun massaging my ass. Taking my cheeks and spreading them, and pushing them back together. Rubbing ever so slowly.

"C'mon man, lets taste him, I want to know what's inside," A guy called out.

"N-n-o. pl-eease, l-leav-," I started to beg, but was immediately silenced by one of the men pushing my head into the couch, face first. I can remember this is the moment everything began to hit me. I was wailing into the couch cushion. I could feel the strain in my voice. Every person in the room snickered at the sounds reverberating from my mouth.

I then felt hands, nothing but hands on my backside. A finger began pushing, circling my entrance. I was shaking at this point, and I still can't figure out if it was my body's desire, or my minds fear. I then began to feel a warm, wet lapping at my hole. It was over and over again, with a few pauses in between. I got my head up for a moment to look back and see that it was two boys along with Sosuke licking my asshole, taking turns in between each lap. In that moment I wanted to die. They were practically devouring my asshole with their mouths when I heard Sosuke speak up again.

"Rin-chan likes his pussy eaten, but what about being fucked, does Rin want to take our cocks?"

I vomited. This didn't stop anyone. The man blowing me stopped, they were all standing up behind me, ogling me like I was a meal. And to them, I was.

Sosukes cock slid into me with ease, and I had never felt so much shame in my life. I was ashamed at the eagerness of my body, the way I was taken advantage of by a person I called my friend. Everything. I wanted to go home.

Person by person, I was fucked, I was flipped onto my back, forcing me to look into the eyes of each man shoving his cock in me. Each cock began to feel the same inside of me, besides Sosuke. When his turn came back around, he moved into me slowly, his eyes never leaving contact with mine. He was grinning the entire time, his hand back around my neck.

Then it all went black. This time it worked. He fucked me until I passed out, my face covered in my own bile. In and out of consciousness, they were still fucking me while I was out.

I woke up the next morning back at my own apartment. My own place. I was covered in dried semen, spit, and my own blood. My backside ached, my throat was bruised.

And that's how I lost my virginity.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up this morning at eight. I got into the shower, had my breakfast, and got dressed. Normally, I would have put on a dress and stockings, done up my hair and makeup, and been out the door, not coming back until late in the night. But today is different, today, I'm packing up everything and going home. Back to Japan. I'm in my boy clothes, and I'm ready to leave. I've been saving up my money since the night with Sousuke and his friends, and it's all finally paid off.

I've thought this over quite a bit. I'm no longer in university, so why should in the U.S stay any longer? More importantly, Sousuke is still here, and an oceans distance is almost the perfect amount of space between us. Almost.

I had to continue seeing him after the nightclub. At school, at swim practice, out with friends. It was terrible, and the worst part is was that he continued on as if nothing happened. He even invited me out more and more after that. I didn't know if it was out of friendship, or just to make more money off of me.

I bought womens underwear the week after. I didn't know why at the time, but it made me feel closer and more in tune with my true self, the little shatters I had left of myself. It wasn't difficult to buy, the women at the store assumed it was for my girlfriend. "Someone must have an anniversary coming up!" One of them even teased me, I just nodded my head. Little did she know, I went straight home right after and put them on, lounging around my house. The rest became history, more and more clothes piled in my closet. Beautiful dresses, tights, leggings, pastel sweaters, you name it, I had it, and still have it. I wear my girl clothes on a daily basis now, even out in public since dropping out of university. I contemplated wearing my clothes on the plane to Japan, but I figured if I wanted to see my friends, they would have to recognize me.

Upon arriving in Japan, my senses are shocked, not only from the long plane ride, but just at the realization that I'm finally back where I started. I step off the plane and into the airport, expecting to see my friends. After grabbing all my luggage, I begin exploring a bit. I start to look into shops for something to eat, when I spot a lingerie store. I head in.

All lingerie stores are practically the same; a smell of perfume that never seems to go away, flourescent lighting, and pictures of beautiful women everywhere. If I were any other man, I'd be focused on the woman's body in a different way than I am right now. How I wish I possessed the curves and the subtle sexiness of the models on the walls. I wish I could wear a bra, and feel something there. I don't want anything too large, just something that will actually hold up the bra itself. I continue looking around, and find my way over to racks of underwear. I let my fingers dance along the lace trimmings of the sexier pairs. I want these, but I just spent so much money on a plane ticket, plus I still have yet to buy food. I look around for a changing room and head in.

In the room, I remove my bottoms and change into the lingerie, ripping off the tags after checking for security cameras. I examine myself, and realize that I have lost quite a bit of my bulk that I worked so hard to achieve. It's okay, any sensible faggot doesn't need all the extra build. I lift up my sweatshirt a bit, I can see my manhood through the sheer lace of the underwear. It's not like I want something else there or anything, but I somehow feel detached from what's on me right now. I sigh, remembering what I'm doing, put my pants on, and leave the store.

"Rin-chan!?" I cringe, I want to vomit. I hate being called that. I then register whose voice it was I just heard, and what kind of place I'm leaving. I turn to my right, and it's Nagisa at a sandwich shop. His face brightens, I walk towards him, the faster I can get away from the lingerie store the better.

"Rin! I'm so happy I found you, I hope you weren't here by yourself too long!" Nagisa is still his usual self, maybe he didn't notice.

"What were you doing in that lady place, man?" Nevermind.

"Good to see you too, Nagisa. I saw it was a women's store and went to get Gou a souvenir, but then I saw it was all underwear and stuff so I decided not to. It'd be pretty weird if I got my sister underwear, huh?" I say to Nagisa, hoping that I haven't said too much.

"You're already strange Rin-chan, c'mon, let's find the other guys!" Oh thank god, he bought it.

We wander around the airport for a while, catching up, sharing stories of our time at university, of course, I exclude a particular story. I finally see a couple of guys standing near a large fountain, it's my childhood gang.

Walking up to the guys, everyone seems to still be about the same, Makoto is cheery, happily greeting me. "We've missed you so much Rin-chan! Glad to see you've made it back safe, I'll take a couple of your things," I hand Makoto a duffle bag full of boys clothes almost reluctantly, I wish he'd stop calling me Rin-chan. Rei takes a couple things off of my shoulders, some of them containing girls clothes. I notice someone missing.

"Where's Haru, guys?" I ask, Makoto's face pulls into a grin, and he points to the other side of the fountain.

"He's over there, he can feel the mist off the fountain from that side," Of course, same old Haru.

I walk towards my old swimming competition, and see his eyes shut, allowing the mist from the fountain to hit his frame. I smile, he's so intriguing, the way he embraces his favorite element. I've always admired Haru, even when I wanted to beat him, he was always someone I looked at with fondness. I get close to him, and his eyes open. He looks to me, and I witness a rare smile grow ever so slightly on his face. He doesn't show teeth, of course, but this is the biggest I've seen on him.

"Rin," is all he says. I walk closer to him, and pull him into a hug. He smells like chlorine.

"Hey dude, how have you been?" I ask, pulling away from him

"Fine, you got skinny," I laugh, I already know this.

"You look like a girl. You're cute Rin," This takes me off guard and I feel my face go red. What the hell? Well, I guess Haru is a pretty blunt guy, but what surprises me most is the way my heart jumped a bit at the compliment. I just laugh it off.

"Shut up man, let's go over there with the other guys."

/

After a commute home from the airport, we finally make it back to Harus place. He's still living in the same house his parents gave him. Although all the other guys have their own places now, it seems we still feel the most at home at Haruka's place. Mako agreed to let me stay with him while my new apartment gets set up, but I feel the most comfortable over at Haru's, and I'm sure everyone else feels the same way. We decide to order pizza just like we used to, and along with a few beers, we being reminiscing.

"Remember when Rin had to teach Rei how to swim!?" Nagisa pipes up. Rei's face goes red.

"That's because you were of no help!" Rei snaps back. We all laugh.

"Oh man, how about when we tried to keep Haru away from Rin at the festival, I can't believe how nervous we all were!" Makoto laughs. "But in the end, we all ended up racing together. It's funny how old friends always end up sharing laughs no matter what. You all are my best friends in the world, and I'm sure Rin and Haru couldn't be closer," He holds up his bottle, "Cheers to Rin and Haru!" I laugh, what a ridiculous thing to cheers to, but hey, anything to get drunk right?

We all clink glasses, I look at Haruka, his face is the same as it always is, bored. I know that's not what's going on in his head, I know him too well. His eyes suddenly shift to me, the corner of his mouth turns up. I smile back, these guys are truly the best people I know.

/

It's gotten later in the night, and we are all pretty hammered, or at least, I am. The blood in my body is boiling, and I am laughing at almost everything. I stand up, dizzy as hell, and make my way to the kitchen, reaching for another drink in the fridge. When I stand back up straight with the intention of heading back to my friends, I'm surprised to be met by Haru's eyes.

"Oh hi, man, want another?" I ask him, reaching back down for another drink.

"Rin, you should tighten your pants a bit, they're beginning to slide down" My stomach jumps into my throat. I grab for the back of my pants, and I can feel the lacy undergarments peaking out from the hem of my sweats. Jesus christ.

"It's fine, I'm the only one who saw," I can't even look at Haru right now.

"I think they're cute on you, Rin," and with that, he turns away. I don't let him get far. I grab his arm, pulling him closer to me.

"It's not...it's nothing Haru, ok, you saw nothing," I say, my voice shaking. I'm slurring but he hears me.

"But I did, you're wearing-" I put my hand over his mouth.

"Come with me," I drag him into his room. The other guys hardly notice, they're still catching up.

In Haru's room, everything is still the same as he left it. I feel comfortable for a moment, then realize why I'm in here.

"Haru, please just don't bring this up to anyone. Please, at least not until I'm ready," I've almost sobered up, that or my nerves have taken over my entire body. Either or.

"Ok, I won't, I promise," Is all he says.

"Promise?"

"Yes."

There's a silence, what else could be said? I stood, staring at the boy in front of me. He hasn't changed much, he could use a haircut, but other than that. He's all around the same. Same skin, soft and clear as ever. Same hands, large, bony. Same eyes, dark, lingering. I'm snapped out of my thoughts when Haru speaks up again.

"But I do think that they're very cute on you," He's closer to me now. I can smell the alcohol on his breath. Who ever knew that Nanase Haruka would be interested in getting drunk? I feel his hands reach to my hips, I begin to shy away, but at the same time, I am being drawn closer and closer to the boy in front of me.

"Can I see them?" I don't move. Either does Haru, but only for a moment. I begin to feel a tug on my sweats, and a breeze hitting my lower regions. I catch my breath in my throat. I look down to see that Haru has brought my pants to right above my knees, and he's just looking.

I'm hard. Haru's eyes meet my face, and then back down to my groin.

"Can I touch?" I don't answer. I can hardly move. I feel an electric current push through my spine as Haru's hand goes into my panties, and grabs my cock. He's pumping, ever so slowly. My knees are shaking. Without even realizing it, Haru is closer to my face. His mouth just barely touching my ear.

"You are very sexy Rin. Can I make you come?" I nod my head. Haru brings his face to mine, and kisses me just once, before letting his mouth trail down my body. He doesn't stop until he's at my cock. Then I start to feel everything.

He beings by licking up my length at a slow pace, tasting underneath, almost to my balls. I feel him blow on the head before he slowly lets it enter his mouth. I'm shaking so bad. His head bobs up and down, picking up the pace a bit. I feel my cock hit the back of his throat. Fuck, this feels good. His tongue is moving along my shaft all while my entire cock is being put to the back of his throat. I let my hands fall to the top of his head. I'm guiding him up and down my length. He's going faster and faster.

"Shi-shiiit-fuck Haru," I let his name fall out of my mouth. I being to buck my hips forward, I'm so close.

"Haru-I'm going to..I," I mutter out.

Then he flips me around.

"What are you-" My breath hitches in my throat. I feel his finger graze my asshole.

"Haru no, not there," My words are clearer now. I'm afraid. I remember everything, how I was fondled down there before, how so many dirty people have touched there before. I don't want to dirty Haru. Beautiful Haru.

Oh god, I'm doing this with Haru. Oh no, I can't. I'm afraid. I become even more frightened when I feel his mouth kissing around the rim of my anus.

I'm suddenly sober, I reach down quickly and grab up my pants and pull everything up. I'm out of the door as fast as I can be, and into the bathroom next to Haru's room. I lay myself in the bathtub, reaching into my pockets for one of my pills. Fuck, where are my pills.

I find one, pop it right in. I let a few sobs escape my throat. What a dirty person I am, that I let someone do that to me so willingly. That I put their cleanliness at risk to feed into my own filthy-ness. I dirtied Haru, and with that, I've become more disgusting myself. It's ok, I won't feel it for much longer. I'm starting to feel bubbly again. I'll be beautiful in no time. I can almost feel it. I then hear a soft pounding at the door. Almost like a cat scratching, begging to be let inside from the cold.

"Please Rin, I didn't mean to make you cry,"

/

 _Hello, everyone! I'm really enjoying writing this story, and I hope everyone can enjoy it as much as I love writing it! Thank you for reading Chapter 2, stay tuned for updates, and please Review! Your thoughts mean so much to me,_

 _Thanks again!_

 _-Blue._


	3. Chapter 3

_Hello, everyone! Quick terminology before reading._

 _Bar = Bar of Xanax. Xanax itself is shaped into a bar. I orginally went with using the word "pill" when talking about it, but I wanted to stay true to what it is. That's it for now, thank you!_

/

Suddenly, I am in Makoto's house, on the couch. It's morning now, and my ears are ringing, and my entire body aches. I'm obviously very hungover, as well as very confused. How did I make it to Makoto's house? Last thing I remember is being in Haru's bathtub.

Oh yea, Haru.

That's right, I took at least a bar before knocking out last night, after Haru touched me. I'm still rather shocked at his actions, but more so, embarassed by my own. I ran away so fast. At the same time, what gives Haru the right to touch me like that? We've never been like that before, does he even know that I like men? It must have been the underwear that made him assume so. Does this mean Haru is gay? As I'm trying to collect my thoughts, a voice is right above me.

"Rin! You're up! How are you feeling?" It's Mako, and he's wide awake. Shit, he definitely drank more than I did last night, how is he so goddamn alive? I guess Mako is Mako, so I shouldn't expect nothing less.

"I feel like shit Mako, could you grab me some water?" I ask, digging into my pockets, praying that my pills are still there. The tips of my fingers brush a small bar, and my heart jumps into my chest. Thank god. I pop the small bar into my mouth and wait for Mako to bring me back my water to wash it down.

"Rin, you were a little messy last night. I'm assuming you didn't do much drinking over in America?" Mako teases, handing me a glass of water. I nod my head drinking down my Xanax. I smile upon the glass leaving my lips.

"Oh god no, all I did over there was swim. Had no time to go out or anything." I can't wait for the bar to kick in. Another ten to twenty minutes and I'll be floating.

"Well you ran into the bathroom and locked yourself in there. Did you and Haru get in a fight or something?" Mako persists. I'm obviously not going to tell him the truth.

"I don't know, man. I can hardly remember. Just being drunk, you know how emotional I can get," I say, only about ten more minutes.

"Well, if you think of it, you can always tell me about it, ok Rin-Chan?" Mako says, getting closer. I shy away from his presence. God, he needs to stop calling me that. I stand up, and make my way to the bathroom to take a shower.

/

In the shower, I'm beginning to feel the bar I just took. Jesus christ, it's so good. I reach out of the shower and turn my music up a little louder. I begin humming along. Why do people just deal with pain? They could easily just take medicine and everything will feel ethereal. The way the water is hitting my back feels so good, I could cry. The smell of the shampoo I'm using is the best thing I've ever smelled. It's so fucking easy to feel this good, why don't more people just do it? What else is good? The pizza we had last night was good, I should get more later. The beer was good, it made me drunk.

Haru's mouth on my cock was good. So good. I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought about it before. Ever since we were kids, I've always been very fascinated by him. As we got older, I started to notice more and more about him; his slim frame, his deep voice, his soft skin, his _mouth._ I didn't just want it on my body, I just wanted to be connected to it, to taste what Haru tastes all day. I wanted to be a part of his breath, if only for a moment. I am jealous of Haru's skin, how it has the priviledge to hang off of his delicate frame day in and day out.

I'm beginning to feel hard, my dick is throbbing. I start thinking about Haru, and the way he took me down his throat, I wonder if he had ever done anything like that before? On Mako, maybe? That's a nice image in my head, Haru being fucked by Makoto. I start to pump my cock. If Haru and I had sex, he'd have to top me, though, I want to feel like a woman. I reach behind me, making circles around my entrance. Last night, I was frightened when Haru tried to touch this spot. It doesn't matter right now, because it feels good now that I'm doing it. I let a finger slide in, all while jerking my dick, I almost hum with pleasure. I wonder if this is how a woman feels when something is put inside of her? I play pretend in my head that I'm fingering myself, and my dick is the clitoris. My body is singing, I just want something inside of me.

"Rin?" It's Makos voice, fuck. Not to mention his shower is stand up, and made completely of glass. See-through. I let go of myself and turn around, my eyelids are heavy, and my body tingles. I see Mako staring at me, he must have seen something, because his eyes are wide open, and his cheeks look a little flushed.

"I'm sorry man, I-I'll get out, ok? It's ok, it's normal for-" He stutters.

"Come here," I nearly cut him off. He steps closer to the glass, I open the door to the shower only slightly.

"Have you-have you ever thoughttt-t about fuuucking me?" The words slur out of my mouth. I'll take anyone at this point, I just want to be filled with something. Anything.

Mako's still silent at this point. Maybe I'm too masculine. I let my shoulders slump a bit lower, and bend in towards myself, like a woman leaning up against a building, waiting for her ride to the other side of town. I fold my arms and lower my gaze, letting my eyes peer up at mako.

"Come join me anytime, Makoto,"

With that being said, Mako beings to undress, never letting his eyes leave me, his mouth still agape. Once in the shower, I look up at him, smirking. I feel on top of the world, nothing feels better than holding a man under your thumb.

"Rin, you've changed," He says.

"I know, let me show you," I practically sing back at him, grabbing up at his shoulders. He's so big, so tall. His shoulders are bulky under my fingers. I feel him pull my waist closer to him, our cocks rubbing together. I'd assume Makoto to be large down there, but holy hell, his cock is fucking huge. I smirk into our kiss, not letting my eyes close all of the way, I'll melt away if I do that. The bar is making my body ring, almost vibrate underneath Mako's hands. I feel the larger boy in front of me reach down in between us, grabbing both of our cocks at the same time. I'm practically purring with lust at this point, all while grinding my hips into his.

"Mako's cock is so big, please, put it inside of me. Please. I want it," I'm hissing against his ear, I can't wait any longer.

"N-Not yet," He whispers out, pushing his mouth against mine. Our tongues wrestle for a bit, Mako establishing dominance over me. He then removes his hand from our shafts, bringing them up to my head, putting his hands in my hair. He begins to pull, pulling my head back so I'm arching my body backwards. He begins kissing from my jawline down my throat, biting along the way. He makes it to my nipples, taking one of them into his mouth. He removes one of his hands and uses it to play with the other nipple. I could fucking come right now.

"Mako-please," I whine out. I didn't expect to sound so desperate, but I am, so it's whatever.

"Please what?" He says into my chest.

"Fuck me,"

Mako laughs and brings his face back to mine, pulling my body to his so I'm no longer arched. "How do you want to be fucked?" He hisses against my ear.

"Hard Makoto, please. Put your cock into me. Make me sore with your big dick Mako. Fuck my ass please Mako please rub the inside with your cock. My ass wants your cock,"

I feel Makos fingers in me once I begin to beg. He flips me around and continues to finger my asshole, one hand resting on my lower back, causing me to arch and bend forward. I spread my legs, fuck, it's so good.

"Before I come Mako, please," I say, when suddenly, I get what I was asking for.

I feel Mako's hard, long member enter itself into my hole. I smile and bite at my lower lip. Mako's hands are bracing the side of my hips, pushing ever-so-slowly inside of me. I feel his hips come in contact with my ass, realzing that he's all the way in.

He begins to fuck me. A slow, steady fuck. My body shivers with each drawn out thrust. I can hear Mako panting behind me.

"You feel so good on my cock, Rin, do you want my come inside of you, to fill you up?" I never knew Makoto could be so lewd.

I like it.

I reach behind myself and grab onto Mako's hips with my hands, I start moving my body, he stops thrusting, so that I can do all of the work. I'm moving back and forth on my own on Mako's shaft. I move faster, bouncing quickly against his hips. With a really hard push back with my hips, I feel it, my g spot.

"Fucking there Makoto, move your hips, keep hitting there," I breathe out.

He doesn't disappoint. He's in and out of me with fast and hard thrusts, each time hitting the gland buried deep within me. He reaches around and grabs my cock with one of his hands, pulling on it with each thrust. I'm so close, I'm so fucking close.

Just then, Makoto lets out a deep groan, almost growling, when I feel his first spurt of come release inside of my ass. This does it for me, because I begin to come, as well. I'm panting, moaning like a girl. I know what I sound like, and in that moment, I want to feel like girl that has just gotten filled up by her boyfriend. I'm still coming when Makoto pulls out and makes his way to my ass. He begins licking everywhere on my backside, eventually making his way to my hole, cleaning his own come out of my asshole. I let out more come.

He stops and stands up, turning me around. He pulls me into a hug, I'm a bit reluctant, but I hug him back with one arm.

"You're sexy as hell, Rin-Chan, thank you."

Great, now everything we've done was a big fucking waste. I pull away from him and grab a towel, leaving him in the shower. I stand at the door and look at him.

"This was a one-time thing, Mako. Don't call me Rin-Chan."

/

 _Hello everyone! Thanks for reading! I know I say that everytime, but I truly am so incredibly grateful for all of you that read my work! I've missed creative (erotic..haha) writing, and I'm glad I'm back at it. Stick around for more!_

 _Danke!_  
 _-Blue_


	4. Chapter 4

After mine and Mako's shower, I head into Mako's room to grab up my things. I don't particularly want to be here after being with Mako like that. I feel myself beginning to come down a bit, and although I just showered, I feel disgusting. No shower could clean away the filth I feel. It's growing it's way over my skin like a fast-moving fungus, seeping into my pores, and tainting my insides. I begin to feel a blackness take over my body, and the worst part of it is that my body is my biggest weapon. This disgusting feeling is such a hinderence when it comes to getting what I want. Sex, money, food, drugs, or even just company, my body is usually the common denominator.

Speaking of getting what I want; I feel someone come up behind me.

"Rin, I didn't know you had it in you," It's Mako, he begins to rub my naked shoulder, trailing it down spine. I shiver, grabbing for the shirt nearest to me.

"I've had a lot of things in me, Makoto," I say, pulling on my tshirt. "I'm going to leave." I grab at the rest of my clothes and put them on. I look back at Mako, standing back at in the door frame in just a towel, he is a good looking guy, but I don't want to ruin him the way I've ruined myself.

Mako doesn't speak much as I leave. He probably figures he did something wrong, although I was the aggressor.

I find myself walking aimlessly with my bags in hand, I think most of the other bags were left at Haru's last night. I want to see Haru. I remember how I ran away from him, how I hid and cried. Not this time, I need to see him. I grab my pills out of my pocket, open the bottle, and pop one in, hell, why not two? I take one more and let the warmth dance over my body. I was still slightly buzzing from the one from earlier, but two more will kick it up quite a bit. I feel happy again. I feel beautiful.

I find myself at Haru's. I'm groggy and airy, I just want to feel touched. I let myself in his house, only to find it empty. Where could he be? I float over to his fridge and begin to make myself at home with a drink, of course. I use up a bit of the vodka left over from last night, and mix it with orange juice. I sip at my drink as I make my way into Haru's room. His place has always been empty, and his room is as bland as always. I see the rest of my things sitting in the corner of his room, and open them up. They're my girl things, my heart is soaring, this is exactly what I need right now. I find out my champagne pink kimono and a pair of black underwear. I put them on and spin myself in the mirror on the other side of Haru's room a few times. I find out a pair of black thigh-highs and slip them on. Every article of clothing I slip on, I feel more relaxed. I continue to admire myself in the mirror, pulling my hair back into a ponytail at the base of my neck; my bangs falling in a messy frame around my face. My body is fucking soaring, I lean down and dig out my makeup from one of the bags on the floor and sit myself on the floor in front of Haru's mirror. I hardly know what I'm putting on my face, but I'm loving it, I'm grinning so fucking hard it hurts. I could pull back the skin on my face. I begin to apply a blush-colored lipstick in an almost Amanda Lepore fashion when I hear footsteps behind me. I turn myself around, lipstick still in hand.

It's Haruka, he's practically shining in the door frame. I smile up at his radience. His hair is slicked back with water. He must have been in the bath this entire time. He's in his trunks, pulling on a white t-shirt.

"Rin, what are you doing?" Is all he says to me. I can imagine how I look right now. Face a mess, drink in one hand, lipstick in the other. I'm also wearing womens undergarnments, but it's not like he hasn't seen that before. I continue smiling at him.

"Welcome..home," I say, with hardly enough air in my lungs. He smirks down at me, smiles? Or does he frown? I don't know because he's walking closer, no, he's on the ground. He's right in front of me.

"You're so beautiful Rin, really, I like you in these clothes," He's touching my face, but it feels like his hands are running themselves over my entire body. "Please, don't hurt yourself Rin. Let me help you clean up."

He's pulling me up to my feet, I drop my lipstick and Haruka takes my drink from my hand. I'm being led out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. Haru sits me down on the ground and removes my socks, then my kimono, and last, my underwear. I am drunk, high, or whatever, and Haru's warmth is seeping onto my skin off of his fingertips.

"You are so beautiful, Haru. Please touch me," I whipsper up to his ear. He grunts, pulling me back from his face, gripping my shoulders. His skin is so beautiful, his eyes shine against his pale skin. "Kiss me," I demand.

And he does. I'm naked on the bathroom floor and he kisses my mouth. I feel my entire face vibrate as he slides his tongue into my mouth, back past my teeth. My body vibrates even faster under his touch. I let his hands fall on my chest as he begins pinching at my nipples. I feel a sound come out of me, but I don't hear it. He's hovering over me, his back is so sexy, and his shoulders; so broad. I touch him everywhere.

"Rin, you've gotten so thin," I let my head fall backward, and his kisses at my neck. I'm swimming in his arms, he seems so big.

I feel his hand make it's way to my groin. I grab it. I want to taste him. I sit up on my knees and push his torso back, so that hes laying down, propped up on his elbows. I lean down to his pelvis and pull the waist of his pants down, exposing his member. It springs to life, nearly hitting my face. I blow on the head of his cock, as he begins to thrust his hips upward. I smirk, it feels good to be wanted this bad. I open my mouth, and let my tongue hang out, beckoning him to enter my mouth, and he does.

He's thrusting into my mouth, hitting the back of my throat. I never anticipated for Haru to be this big. He's pushing himself deeper and deeper into my mouth when I feel his hand grip the back of my neck. I'm so hard already, and this sends shivers through my entire body. I look up at him as I slide my mouth off of his cock. His face is reading dominant, and I can tell he wants me. I reach my face up to his.

"Put it in me, Haru. I can make you come with this," I say, reaching for his hand, and putting it on my ass. He reaches his fingers to my asshole, and slides a single digit in. I arch my back into his touch. His hands on me is incredible, there's no way he hasn't done this before. Im in his lap, while my arms are wrapped around his shoulders as he's fingering me.

"You're sexy, Rin," He whispers against my neck. I practically purr.

"Tell me more,"

"I want to be in your ass, Rin. I want to feel you come all around me. Let me fuck you,"

I easily comply. I slide my body up to his as he slides his fingers out of me. I press his member up against my hole, pushing it into me. Haru grabs my hips and steadies me on his cock, and slides himself in. I hiss at the sensation, but it's all so euphoric at the same time. Haru starts by doing all of the work, thrusting up into my ass. It's all so good, I can hardly breathe. "Fuck me, please, fuck me..fuck me," I'm pleading over and over into his ear. He's grunting against my shoulder. I pull back and look down at him, when he grabs me with both hands around the neck. I let the air seep out of my lungs, nothing has felt this good in a long time. Haru is getting more rough with his thrusts when he flips me over onto my knees. He's fucking me from behind, I hear his hips slapping against my ass. He then lets go of my throat, gripping onto my ass, spreading me apart.

"Fuck, Haru, your cock..." I begin to say when Haru slaps my ass, hard. I cry out. I've never been fucked like this. So intense, yet so euphoric. I look back at Haru, his eyes focused on me. His body is damp with sweat from the warm bathroom, his partially-damp hair hanging in his face. He looks me in the eyes.

"I'm going to come, Rin,"  
He pulls out and lets out a load on my back and ass. I lean down on my elbows, pushing my ass higher up in the air. I pump my cock with one hand as he lets out the rest of his load.

Haru then lifts me up onto my knees, and crouches down in front of me.

"Come on me Rin,"

I do as he says, I jerk my cock a few more times, and I come onto Haru's chest. He massages my hips as I do so. I'm whimpering as I release onto the beautiful boy in front of me. He is perfect, I am not.

Haru smiles when I've finished, pulling my head down to his for a kiss. I do not deserve this. He is too good, too pure. Why did I allow this to happen?

Haru gets up to start another bath, and I stay on the floor.

 _Hello everyone! Sorry it's been a while. I've been traveling quite a bit. Thanks for sticking around for this chapter. Please, leave reviews! Let me know what you guys think!_

 _Danke!_  
 _-Blue_


	5. Chapter 5

In the bath, I let myself sink into the water. Deeper, deeper. Deeper Haru's cock pushed into me, deeper his gaze fell upon the small space between my shoulder blades. In the deepest part of myself, I am happy. I am happy that I got to release a part of myself onto Haru. That I shared something so beautiful with Haru, but it's my self loathing that casts a dark shadow over my happiness. Not so much a shadow, but a blanket of dust and dirt. Grime setting itself into place in the form of a person.

My thoughts are cut off by the creak of a door. My heart warms at the sight of the boy standing before me. He's shirtless, wearing nothing but a pair of well fitting khakis that practically hang off of his frame. I gaze up at him, head dizzy from the bath.

"Come on out when you're ready, Rin," He says. I almost catch a smile forming on his face, but it fades away. I do not reply, I pull myself out of the bath and wrap a towel around myself. Haru saw me in my girl clothes, and he still hasn't said much about it. I begin to wash myself off, washing parts of Haru off of my skin, letting his essence float around in the murky water surrounding me.

Out of the bathroom, Haru is sitting at the small table in the middle of his dining room. Still shirtless, he looks to me. Haru doesn't smile often, but in his eyes, I can tell he's smirking at me. His eyes follow me as I creep closer to him. I'm still dizzy and drunk, and my heart is beating so hard, I feel as if my ribs are snapping in half, just from the force that my heart throbs in my torso. I let the towel fall off of my waist. "Dress me please" I breathe. I feel as if I should speak up, but my words have become nothing but slight air out of my lungs. Haru stands up and goes to his room, coming out with a bundle of clothing. Haru assists me in pulling on the grey sweater he grabbed out of my suitcase. I feel a chaotic numbness that only comes with being intoxicated. Not only is it the alcohol, but the fluttery-after-sex-post-orgasm feeling. Everything around me feels pink, and warm. Tingly. Haru's fingertips linger at my hips upon pulling up my briefs.

"I like this part," The boy in front of me whispers, dragging a fingertip across my protruding hip bones. I shiver under his touch as Haru brings his gaze up to my face. He plants a slight kiss on my collarbone, letting his head rest in the crook of my neck. "You fucking scare me," his voice soft against my ear. I scare me, too, Haru. I almost tell him that, but I let it swim in the back of my mind. Hell, everything in my body is swimming right now, I'm feeling everything all at once, and at the same time, there's this blissful numbness creeping up the base of my neck that's making it near impossible to feel anything. It's almost identical to the feeling I had when Haru and I raced for the first time. His sheer speed paired with his aloofness is ever present in the way he has sex, as well. For the first time in a long time, I want to dive back into everything I used to be. Dive back into Haru, and the water.

Before I know it, I'm fully dressed and being pulled down onto the small sofa in Haru's living room. Haru's hands are on me, but not in a possessive manner. He's holding me in limbs that are telling me everything is ok. I don't know exactly what his body is forgiving me for, but it's making me feel guilty as hell. I pull my knees into my chest, and Haru's hands retract back to his body. I let my head rest on his shoulder, and we sit in our post-orgasm silence. My brain feels fuzzy, and my thoughts leave my body in a rush of pink nothingness.

I wake up not knowing exactly what time it is, but I am still aware of where I'm at. It's a bit darker outside, and there's an absence of a body next to me. I stand up, my entire body aching, either from the hangover, or all of the sex I had in just one day. I search around Haru's small home, looking for anyone. I find myself in Haru's bedroom, and there he is. Haru is standing over my heaps of clothing on the floor, just looking. There's so much; from swimwear to lingerie, and Haru is casting a shadow over all of it. I decide to creep up behind the taller boy in front of me. I loop my arms around his waist from behind, and bury my face into the small spot between his strong shoulder blades. If he wanted, he could crush my skull in between these very muscles. I want my blood and brains to squish onto his back, my body falling to the floor in a bloody mess. Would Haru like to see my body in it's most vulnerable state? In death? He enjoys me in other vulnerable positions, would dead be good enough for him? I want him to fuck my bloodied body. I want to be nothing but a toy to him. Just an object.

Haru jumps a bit, but turns around so my head is on his chest. "Haru," I say out loud. "I want you to kill me," I feel his body stiffen at my remark. He then lets out a sound that sounds close to a chuckle. "I'll try," He says, running his hands down my back, and over my ass. He squeezes at my ass, massaging around and spreading me apart through my warmups.

"I can make you come from here, I can do it," He's whispering into my ear, while circling around my hole through my sweats. My body warms up. In all honesty, there is nothing better than a prostate orgasm. The rush I feel take over my body, the prodding and thrusting into my hidden gland. I love it. It makes me feel more feminine, and overall, euphoric. I hum into Haru's mouth, taking him up on his offer. Haru disconnects himself from my mouth as he nudges me over to his bed. Turning me around, he bends me over onto the mattress. My ass is up against his pelvis, and I can feel his hard cock rubbing on me. I let myself grind into him for a bit until he then urges my legs up onto the bed, so I'm kneeling on all fours. He then places a hand on my lower back, sliding it up to my neck. I follow his hand with my body, letting arms stretch out in front of me, and resting my face on the bed, my knees still bent on the edge of the bed.

"Scoot forward," He beckons to me. I crawl myself further onto the bed, and once I reach the middle of the mattress, Haru pulls my legs out from underneath me, so I'm completely flat on my stomach. He's moving quickly now, pulling down my warmups, and biting at my ass through my briefs. He massages my backside, causing me to whimper. I want him now, I want his cock.

"Haru, please, just fuck me again. Please" I feel like I'm going to cry. He's giving my ass so much attention, I can barely stand it. I want his big fucking cock in me, I want it now.

"Rin, you won't take my dick this time," He replies, pulling my underwear down by the waistband. What does he mean? Isn't he going to make me come?

I feel his mouth on me now, kissing all over my lower back, there's a pressure on my asshole, it's his thumb. His thumb is circling around my entrance. I want something in me, anything. I then feel a digit being shoved into my mouth. "Lick," The boy hovering over me demands. I get his fingers wet and slippery. Once removed from my mouth, I feel the fingers that were once in my mouth slide into my hole. I shudder. Right behind his fingers, Haru circles his tongue around my hole as he fingers me. This is agony. Everything is moving so quickly. I want to be fucked, I don't want to be played with. It feels good, but I want to come. I begin grinding my pelvis into the mattress. Haru slaps my ass with his free hand, making me whimper.

"I love your ass, Rin," Haru mutters, pulling his mouth away from my hole for a moment. I blush. For some reason, hearing embarrassing words out of Haru is near excruciating.

Before I can finish my thought, I'm being flipped over onto my back. My hole feels so open, so warm. Haru removes his fingers and beings working me more and more with his tongue, my legs are shaking. I could come any moment, I just need the right push, the right amount of pain and pleasure, I need Haru's cock. I begin to beg, hell, I'm pleading at this point. "Haru, haru-I want-I fucking want-I-," I can't get my words out. And then he stops. I'm whimpering, why would he stop at a time like this? When I'm so close? He's up and across the room, digging through a drawer in his dresser. Lube? Thank fucking god.

What Haru pulls out surprises me. It's there without warning. A long dildo, longer than I've ever seen is in Haru's hands, and he's lubing it up with his hands. Why is it so goddamn long?

Haru sits himself on the bed with the toy, and I sit up and face him. I'm more confused than anything at this moment. Haru removes his pants, spreading his legs, revealing himself to me. His cock is hard against his stomach, but what I'm looking at his his hole. It's so odd to see this part of Haru, being the one who's usually submissive; I feel giddy that I'm being exposed to this part by the boy in front of me. I'm harder, pumping at my cock, watching him pump at his own. The sex toy is in one of his hands, while his cock is in the other. I continue to watch has Haru slides his hand down past his cock, and around his hole. He begins circling his entrance, and I'm in awe. I'm put into a further shock as Haru beings to dip a finger into his own ass. I find myself doing the same. He's leaning up against the headboard of his bed, while I'm leaning back on my elbows, both of us watching each other touch ourselves.

We watch each other a bit longer until Haru tosses the toy over to me. "Put one side of that in," He says in between breaths, he is using two fingers on himself now. I comply rather easily, I take the toy and slide in as much as I can in order to hit my gspot. I'm already quivering.

"Not yet Rin, just wait. I want to come together," Haru says, removing his fingers from himself. He then scoots closer to me, and grips the unoccupied end of the dildo. He puts it in his own ass. Just looking at Haru do this to himself alone could make me come. I sigh as he rocks his hips, creating a friction and rhythm to the toy that's inside of me. Haru is moaning like I've never heard before. The first few times he and I got sexual, I was making all of the noise, but this time around, Haru is the star of the show.

"Rin-Rin-my ass...feelss sooo fucking good," He's breathing out. He's grinning, this is something I'm not used to seeing. Haru's smiles are usually hidden behind his eyes, but this time, he's drunk on pleasure. His face is lit up, his gaze focused down at the dildo we are sharing, his teeth tell a story of pleasure we are experiencing together. I watch his cock grow redder, he's close.

I'm so transfixed on the new sight before me that I almost forget about what I'm feeling. The dildo is deep. Deeper than I've ever felt anything in myself before. There is no noise in the small bedroom besides Haru's groans and a slight humming in my ears. I've had so much human contact the short two days that I've been back in Japan, that the sex I'm having right now is so effortless. Maybe it's because I'm used to it, or maybe it's because of Haru. I just want him to feel good. I pull the toy out of myself, and climb towards Haru. He makes a surprised sound as I let my mouth grip itself around his cock. I take the toy in my hand and thrust it in and out of Haru as I lick at his member. The sounds coming out of him are some of the sexiest noises I've ever heard. Don't get me wrong, I love taking the more feminine roll, I actually prefer it. But seeing Haru in such an unfamiliar state, and being so cute in said state, is nearly irresistible. My thoughts are cut off by a loud moan from Haru, and the feeling of warm come being shot in the back of my throat. I swallow his entire load, basking in the warmth that comes from this sort of act. I lean back on the bed, Haru leaning on the opposite end. Then the realization hits.

I feel good. I'm not even high, and I feel fucking good.


End file.
